A Letter to My Fellow People-Pleasers

​By: Savannah Higdon, MA

If I were a betting woman (which I am most definitely not because I have the WORST luck), I would bet that at some point in your life, you have made the statement, “I’m in a season of…” or “This season of life…”. Some seasons are wonderful, full of joy, prosperity, and laughter. But I’m sure we all know too well the not-so-wonderful seasons of life. That is exactly where I found myself not too long ago. I had just finished grad school, was newly engaged, and embarking on the start of my career. Many exciting life events were all happening at once. But in the thick of it all, I found myself struggling like never before. The reason I was struggling? I was in the thick of the people-pleasing cycle.
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The people-pleasing cycle is defined as the loop of striving for validation and acceptance from others through pleasing them, despite the individual themselves, their values, wants, and what they need. I will use my situation as an example. In that season of life, I found that if I performed well, always said and did the “right” thing, was always a help and never a bother to others, then I could somehow control other’s feelings towards me and get rewarded in the form of praise, attention, words of affirmation, or just perceive that the other person is happy with me. And because I got rewarded, the vicious cycle would continue until I ran myself into the ground. What I had to stop and realize was that my worth was never tied up in what I could do for others, but from my Heavenly Father. Notice a keyword in the previous sentence. I had to stop. The ability to stop in the middle of the chaos of life is a key factor in mindfulness. If I had continued in my old people-pleasing patterns, then I would have never realized that my worth is secure and unchanging because Jesus died once and for all of my shortcomings, and ultimately, it only matters how HE feels about me and what HE says about me.