It appears that we are all in a position to fortify our "shelter in place!" After COVID-19 cases begin to subside in our nation, perhaps we can all move forward with a renewed appreciation for our family. Perhaps, even in spite of the likelihood of COVID-19 intensifying the risks for divorce, abuse and domestic violence reports. We have all broken from our learned ‘normal’ rhythm of living together. The stress of more time with our families, more anticipated responsibilities and financial tension can cause the strongest to feel overwhelmed.

How do we survive these unprecedented circumstances with our Families intact?
How do we keep intact the family and what family was created to be in the midst of our uncertainty?

Perhaps the following eight strategies can assist you in protecting the Family safety of your "shelter in place" in the midst of any pandemic.

8 SURVIVAL TIPS ON RELATIONAL STRATEGIES IN A PANDEMIC:

1. AFFIRM MORE THAN TWEAK! Now is not the time to be pointing out the mistakes of one another. ‘Shelter in Place’ is based upon the assumption that Home is Safe. Therefore, we must be intentional about creating an environment of emotional safety. Every one of us will at one time or another in our lives be weak, in need of comfort, we will be fragile emotionally or physically and we will even be wrong. Now is not the time to address the perceived history of wrongs done to us. Though we may be tempted to start tweaking each other in an effort to make changes, resist the urge to become a tweaker, as this will decrease the Safety in Shelter. Look for the good things that your family members are doing & voice them. It is very important for us all to look for the positive when we are surrounded with trouble and seemingly negativity. We all crave good news, appreciation and affirmation. It is normal to want these!  Breathe deeply & notice the good & smile….
2. POLITENESS STARTS AT HOME! I am not sure when it happened, but over time, we have held onto our rights so fiercely that we have fallen short of some of the basics. Basics like ‘Please’ & ‘Thank You’ and ‘You are Welcome’. We do not hesitate to exercise politeness with our neighbors or co-workers, but we easily forget to start at home with kindness and gentleness and manners. This approach is proven to set the stage for a safety net when we spend a little too much time in each other’s space. Breathe deeply & be polite & smile….  
3. LISTEN TO & COMFORT THE FEAR! It is a well-known fact among Marriage Counselors that attachment is built through an offering of vulnerability and comfort that is mutual. A willingness to admit what I fear and a willingness to listen to the fears of my family members is risky, but when it is received with comfort and compassion that is intentionally expressed it builds attachment and security. Parents, please hear me on this...our kids need our comfort not our anxiety. This does not require us to deceive them, but it does require us to assure them that we will figure this out together and that they are safe. Breathe deeply & listen carefully & smile….
4. PRACTICE PLAYING & LAUGHING! When it is unavoidable to be in each other’s space, the risks of becoming easily irritable grows quickly!  The best antidote for this is to use your sense of humor! Remember how good it feels to have a belly laugh? Your kids do, because they naturally have a carefree approach to life, until of course when the responsibilities of life begin to choke out all memory of what it is like to play & laugh.  So, may we all take a chapter out of our kid’s lives, and laugh at ourselves, play a silly table game, or perhaps paly hide & seek! Your kids will remember it forever! Breathe deeply & have a good belly laugh & Smile….

View Part 2 for Tips 5-8.

Originally posted: January 2009

As we encroach upon the beginning of a new calendar year I am reminded that each of us are looking ahead to new opportunities of influence or we may be looking back on missed opportunities. Here at Legacy we believe that the decisions we make daily results in consequences that can last an eternity. Most of us certainly believe this, however, we get bogged down in the business of daily routines, the demands of the workplace, the kids, the uncertain economy, etc.

What is it that enables us to live differently than what the mundane responsibilities prompt within us? Judy Suiter, Author & President of Competitive Edge, Inc., a Human Resources consulting company, tells those under her influence to "Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. And dance like no one is watching!" Embracing the power of our influence requires us to first commit to avoiding the mundane, status quo way of living. By breaking free of our standard involuntary tolerance of the many moments of the day, we will more fully embrace the experiences of life.

In the process of breaking free of mundane living, we can then fully see the power of our words to others. My pastor is frequently reminding us how we all need a word of encouragement and the affirmation of being told "a job well done" or "we appreciate you and all you do". We can have an everlasting influence on those around us if we can just stop the treadmill of activity in order to affirm those around us. This should begin first with our family who is affected by our words more than anyone else. It is easy to
exchange accolades with our co-workers, clients, customers, business associates, etc. It is much more meaningful to exchange them with our family. Some may say "But you don't know my family!" You are right. I don't know your family. However, I guarantee that they would feel a little more loved and attended to, if you stop long enough to find something that they are doing right and pay them a compliment.

If you choose to invest yourself in this way with those around you, you will likely see them change before your eyes, their hearts will melt maybe just a little and they will feel cared for. You will be blessed because you will see your legacy taking root and blossom into an influence that will outlast your presence here on earth. With such little effort, we all have the power to influence someone. Who could you influence today?