By: M. Diane Pearce, MFT, Legacy Strategy Clinical Director
It appears that we are all in a position to fortify our "shelter in place!" After COVID-19 cases begin to subside in our nation, perhaps we can all move forward with a renewed appreciation for our family. Perhaps, even in spite of the likelihood of COVID-19 intensifying the risks for divorce, abuse and domestic violence reports. We have all broken from our learned ‘normal’ rhythm of living together. The stress of more time with our families, more anticipated responsibilities and financial tension can cause the strongest to feel overwhelmed.
How do we survive these unprecedented circumstances with our Families intact?
How do we keep intact the family and what family was created to be in the midst of our uncertainty?
Perhaps the following eight strategies can assist you in protecting the Family safety of your "shelter in place" in the midst of any pandemic.
8 SURVIVAL TIPS ON RELATIONAL STRATEGIES IN A PANDEMIC:
View Part 2 for Tips 5-8.
Chip Carter, MA, LPC
I wish I had the boldness of Jesus in so many ways. Here are just a few…
-How He called a spade a spade, or more accurately, a Pharisee a Pharisee when He observed their legalism time and time again.
-How He knew when to rest, even amidst the storms
-How He met people where they were - ravaged, hurting, embarrassed, desperate - and sent them off with a completely different perspective and belief system
-How He asked others to come along on His journey, even though He had all the power in the world and could commune with God whenever He wanted
Jesus knew people, knew how they operated inside and out, and still – STILL – asked twelve to join Him on His mission. Surely, He did this to teach and model what God wants and desires for His children. Absolutely, He knew what was coming three years down the road and needed to have them in place to carry out his mission long after He was gone. But, I believe, He did this also because He was a human being, He didn’t want to be alone while His mission unfolded, and knew that having community in his life would bless Him in ways that spoke to His soul.
Jesus sought community. Thus, community must be a good thing.
Not so fast you might say. In Jesus’s gang of twelve, one betrayed Him in such a huge way it was a crucial step that led to his death. Knowing this, what did Jesus do?
He washed his feet.
Another publicly professed he would never deny Jesus, that he was His most ardent follower and then denied Jesus not once or twice, but three separate times. In turn, what did Jesus do?
He called him a ‘rock’ and stated this future thing He labeled ‘the church’ would be built on him.
Have you ever been at your doctor’s office and they bring out that instrument that looks like a hammer to test your reflexes? And then the doctor bangs your knee and it automatically springs up. That’s what they're looking for – that your reflexes are sharp; that they’re working; that they’re doing what they were made to do.
Jesus had the best ‘reflexes’; always sharp, always working, always moving towards God’s redemptive plan. He served where I would have been really angry and scared. He encouraged and empowered where I would have scolded and brooded.
Isaiah 55, verses 8 and 9 are familiar verses to many of us – ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways…for as the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways. And my thoughts than your thoughts.’
And, if you’ll allow me a little room here… ’For my reflexes are not your reflexes.’
But here’s the ticket: He wants us to be more like Him. He wants our ways, our thoughts, our reflexes to be like more like His. He wants us to serve when instead we want to say ‘Get out!’ He wants us to encourage and validate when we would rather point fingers and be hurt. What blows my mind and heart though is He did these things within His community, a community of his choosing. He would not have had these examples if He had not brought others on his journey.
The truth is this: people are going to hurt us, especially those we know well. The truth is also this, many of us (hand raised here for sure) have shied away from community because the hurts have hit us hard. But now, when I look back at times when I’ve been hesitant about allowing people in, I look at it from the lens of whether my reflexes were sharp or dull. The hammer is going to hit us eventually; let our reflexes be more like His.
Tray Tankersley, Th.M, Counseling Intern
In the counseling industry, I've discovered a key ingredient to marriages that “succeed” in therapy and those that don’t. You may venture your own guess- Is it improved communication techniques, great conflict resolution skills, proficiency in identifying feelings? I love all of those…and they are ALL important to building marital satisfaction.
What about discovering my spouse’s love language? Becoming more attuned to the other? Yep, those are good, too!
Praying together, attending church, joining a small group? Fabulous choices!
However, what stands out to me in counseling as a key factor for working towards greater fulfillment in marriage is HUMILITY.
I wish I had a nickel for every moment in couple’s therapy when I thought to myself – “if one of you, just one of you, would self-administer one small dosage of humility, the entire tone of this conversation and marriage would change.” I call it a Neil Armstrong moment – “One small step for spouse…one giant leap for marriage.”
Here’s the catch- Easy to say…hard to do! It's easy to talk about humility and the need for its presence in all relationships. But inviting humility into the counseling room and into every corner of the marriage relationship? Well, therein lies the challenge. We all know, however, that we must build our marriage on more than words.
An ancient hymn provides the Christian with a well-lit path to developing a heart of humility. Before referencing the hymn’s words, the author instructs his readers, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
In other words, have the same mindset as Jesus, “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death-even death on a cross!”
The thing is, we cannot manufacture humility in our life. Humility flows only from a heart that is consistently reminded that God made himself nothing so that we might have everything. Our God left the security and comforts of heaven to come to this broken world and experience its brokenness and injustice so that we might avoid the justice of God for our multiple wrong doings. Instead of walking around demanding that people recognize him, bow down to him, serve at his beck and call, our God used his divinity to pay our debt.
The language of humility is simple – “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I did not intend to do that, but I clearly see how you experienced my words like that. Will you forgive me?” Good words! My hope is that those words come from a heart transformed by the Good News that our Creator humbled himself, valued us above his own interests and died so we could live!
We live in peace when daily we….
If we live in this way daily, we will feel the embrace of our Maker’s arms as we live a life that pleases Him.
When we delight in knowing our Maker, We will live in Peace…..
Derived from NIV Holy Bible, I Thessalonians 5:8-24
By: Dr. M. Diane Pearce, Ph.D., LMFT
The ‘RELATIONAL’ aspects of preparing for the Holidays can be the most overwhelming portion of all seasons of busyness. There are times we may wonder….’Where is my Holiday Spirit?’
When faced with the relational challenges that lie ahead of us, these few ‘Soul Care Habits’ can bring it all into focus!
When Expectations abound = Practice Flexibility!
When Rudeness abounds =Practice Protecting Dignity!
When Crankiness abounds = Practice Affirming Others!
When Negativity abounds = Practice Speaking Positives!
We all will find these habits a challenge! Christ abounded in Love in the face of being misunderstood, mistreated and abused to the point of death. Perhaps this season, we can share just a little ‘Christmas Spirit’ by practicing love in the midst of our circumstances.
When Boundaries are crossed - Can we give the benefit of the doubt & protect dignity as we speak truthfully to others?
When others are moody – Can we look for the good in them & tell them the good that we see?
When others disappoint us – Can we take it in stride & tell them we miss their sweet side?
When we are overwhelmed – Can we slow down, be quiet and practice being our best self?
When we are tempted to use Alcohol to self soothe – Can we restrict our intake so that we do not lose control over self?
When we feel lonely – Can we prompt intimacy with others by telling them what we admire about them?
Let us all remember….we have all been cranky, weak, negative, moody, rude and we all have disappointed someone. Can we act towards others the way that we would want them to act towards us?
Let us be the 1st to:
May you find Peace & Hope as you practice loving others with a true ‘Christmas Spirit’.
Merry Christmas to us all.
M. Diane Pearce, Ph.D., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
By: Dr. M. Diane Pearce, PH.D, LMFT
Legacy strategy Blog
Legacy Strategy, Inc. is a private counseling practice in Kennesaw, Georgia.