By: Ariadne Crane, MA, APC, AMFTIf we were to compare deities from various religions, we would notice that the God from the Christian Bible is the only God that left his throne and met his people face to face. He literally came down from the high mountain to meet us and interact with us. We were created to be in relationships with others, modeled by God. Not only is it important to Him to relate to us, He also desires for us to relate to Him. He came to live among His people to model how to relate to one another.
One of the most significant versus in the Bible is in Matthew 22:37-40: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself." The word love has been used and abused throughout the centuries and thousands of books have been published interpreting the significance of love, so let's introduce a few questions that help identify the love demonstrations between a couple. Often Marriage and Family Therapists begin a session with a focus on how the couple interacts and shows affection. Is there a friendship between them or a connection at all and if so is it purely physical? Do they trust each other? It is important to know how they connect or bond with one another. Do they feel protected as well as respected and do they feel they can count on each other no matter what. How the couple communicates is vital. How they solve conflict is also important. In most relationships there will be disagreements, but how they are worked through is critical. What God models best is that being in relationships can be difficult because it often means having to give up our wants and needs. Being in a relationship takes sacrificial love to forgo one's own goals and dreams. This goes beyond being united or part of the team. It is the selfless act of wanting the other to succeed, to be part of the same team fighting and defending for the same objectives. This sacrificial love is not an obligation, but a desire to serve one another due to the commitment to the relationship, even if there is no benefit to the giver. We can rely on His Word for guidance, though not everything is spelled out for us in the Bible. Jesus Christ demonstrated the ultimate sacrifice when He laid His life down for all of us. I believe that there is only one God; He is also known through Jesus Christ (our Advocate) and the Holy Spirit. No verse in the New Testament describes sacrificial love better than John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, that He gave his only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." In order to put the relationship ahead of the individual one must put his or her needs and desires aside and follow Christ's example of sacrificial love. This is love in its truest manifestation. Photo Credit: Edgar Chaparro on Unsplash
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By: M. Diane Pearce, MFT, Legacy Strategy Clinical DirectorIt appears that we are all in a position to fortify our "shelter in place!" After COVID-19 cases begin to subside in our nation, perhaps we can all move forward with a renewed appreciation for our family. Perhaps, even in spite of the likelihood of COVID-19 intensifying the risks for divorce, abuse and domestic violence reports. We have all broken from our learned ‘normal’ rhythm of living together. The stress of more time with our families, more anticipated responsibilities and financial tension can cause the strongest to feel overwhelmed.
How do we survive these unprecedented circumstances with our Families intact? How do we keep intact the family and what family was created to be in the midst of our uncertainty? Perhaps the following eight strategies can assist you in protecting the Family safety of your "shelter in place" in the midst of any pandemic. 8 SURVIVAL TIPS ON RELATIONAL STRATEGIES IN A PANDEMIC:
View Part 2 for Tips 5-8. M. Diane Pearce, PhdFinding myself having an intense reaction to others, because I feel slighted, discarded, overlooked or without value warrants a renewal of practicing meditations on truth. This calls for an adjustment of my auto-pilot or muscle memory reactions.
When someone says or does things that hurts me, it is time to consider and think on what I know to be true. Meditating on truth is a necessity! Help me, Father, to remember and rest in the awareness that… I know that Abba Father values me as His own, because He made me. I know that Abba Father calls me by name, because He rescues me from myself. I know that Abba Father calls me to do for others, because He equips me. I pray - Help me to remember and rest in the awareness of these truths, especially when I am hurt by the unavailability, abandonment, forgetfulness or unkindness of others. Help me when I am hurting to admit it to you, my heavenly Father, and to the other person when appropriate. Help me to do this without blaming, accusing, or labeling them or their actions. After all, I do not answer for their actions, I answer only for my own. Have mercy on them, as they do not know the effects of what they have done. Give me courage and strength to change my reactions to others. Give me serenity to accept where they are at and that I do not know their circumstances in full. Give me discernment to know the difference between what I can change and what I cannot change. Give me wisdom to only invest my thoughts and energy in changing what I am in control of, nothing more and nothing less. If I am granted the right amount of courage, serenity, and discernment, I will be equipped to invest with those who are receptive, and I will also be able to ‘shake it off’ with those who are not receptive. Help me to listen to the voice of truth and reason while never underestimating the power of my emotions. To ignore my emotion sets me up to have a spillover reaction towards others. To place too much value on emotion will lead me to isolate in hopes of avoiding discomfort. So, there is a delicate balance that I am incapable of managing on my own. This is the reason for me to be conscious of the ever-present help of my creator, my heavenly Father. To be conscious of His presence, I choose to be mindful and fully tuned into His words more than any other words spoken by others. For further study: Scripture adapted from NIV Holy Bible, Hosea 6:8, Zephaniah 3:17, Matthew 10, 12 & 13. Warmly, ~dr P M. Diane Pearce, Ph.D., LMFTWhen doubts creep in or we grow tired and weary, God has some advice for us. Abba Father knows best the ‘what’ and the ‘when’ of my needs more than I. Whether I am in want of recognition, comfort, or guidance, He tells me what to do, in no uncertain terms and with no candy coating. He is ‘to the point,’ time and time again! In Deuteronomy 10:20, He says “HOLD FAST”! We will be at peace if we can listen to His advice to us as His children. H - Humility In the SoulHumility puts into perspective how very little power I have & how much power He has. (Deut. 9:5-6) O – OBEY GOD’S WAYSObserving & Obeying His ways gives us strength to do what He has called us to do. (Deut. 11:8-13) L – LAY CLAIM TO WHAT HE GIVESLaying claim and holding onto what He calls us to do (and where He provides for us to do it), no matter how small the territory or how big, is an act of obedience. (Deut. 11:24-31) D – DEFENDING and LOVING THOSE IN NEEDBecause we all have been or will become weak, poor, aged or alone, He asks us to defend and love those who are in need, following His example and command. (Deut. 10:17-20) F – FEAR GOD ALONEHaving a fear of God that outweighs our fear of a circumstance or a person is the path to ensuring that I will not lose my way. (Deut. 6:13 and 11:12) A – ASSURANCE COMES FROM GODBeing assured by God requires that I see that my strength comes from His mighty power and outstretched arm. My confidence does not come from my own skills or integrity. (Deut. 9:3-4) S – SERVE GOD’S AGENDA ONLYServing God’s agenda and being careful, lest I get distracted by what may even appear to be good, will ensure that the responsibilities and territory that God wants me to manage will be given to me by His strength. (Deut. 11:16-24) T –TRUSTING IN HIS WAYSTrusting in God’s redemption of myself and those I care for, more than I trust in my own logic, requires that I believe in His plan and in His Great Power. (Deut. 9:23-29) Love the Lord your God, walk in His ways and Hold Fast to Him! M. Diane Pearce, Ph.D., LMFTFinding myself having an intense reaction to others, because I feel slighted, discarded, overlooked and without value warrants a renewal of practicing meditations on truth. This calls for an adjustment of my auto-pilot or muscle memory reactions.
When someone says or does things that hurt me, it is time to consider and think on what I know to be true. Help me to remember and rest in the awareness that… I know that God values me as His own, because He made me. I know that God calls me by name, because He rescues me from myself. I know that God calls me to do for others, because He equips me. Help me to remember and rest in the awareness of these truths, especially when I am hurt by the unavailability, abandonment, forgetfulness or unkindness of others. Help me when I am hurting to admit it to you, my heavenly Father, and to the other person when appropriate. Help me to do this without blaming, accusing, or labeling them or their actions. After all, I do not answer for their actions, I answer only for my own. Have mercy on them, as they do not know the effects of what they have done. Give me courage and strength to change my reactions to others. Give me serenity to accept where they are at and what they are capable of in this relationship. Give me discernment to know the difference between what I can change and what I cannot change. Give me wisdom to only invest my thoughts and energy in changing what I am in control of…nothing more and nothing less. If I am granted the right amount of courage, serenity, and discernment, I will be equipped to invest with those who are receptive, and I will also be able to ‘shake it off’ with those who are not receptive. Help me to listen to the voice of truth and reason while never underestimating the power of my emotions. To ignore my emotion sets me up to have a spillover reaction towards others. To place too much value on emotion will lead me to isolate in hopes of avoiding discomfort. So, there is a delicate balance that I am incapable of managing on my own. This is the reason for me to be conscious of the ever-present help of my creator, my heavenly Father. To be conscious of His presence, I choose to be mindful and fully tuned into His words more than any other. For further study: Scripture adapted from NIV Holy Bible, Hosea 6:8, Zephaniah 3:17, Matthew 10, 12 & 13. |
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Legacy Strategy, Inc. is a private counseling practice in Kennesaw, Georgia.
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