If we were to compare deities from various religions, we would notice that the God from the Christian Bible is the only God that left his throne and met his people face to face. He literally came down from the high mountain to meet us and interact with us. We were created to be in relationships with others, modeled by God. Not only is it important to Him to relate to us, He also desires for us to relate to Him. He came to live among His people to model how to relate to one another.
 
One of the most significant versus in the Bible is in Matthew 22:37-40: "Love the
Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment.

The second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

The word love has been used and abused throughout the centuries and thousands of books have been published interpreting the significance of love, so let's introduce a few questions that help identify the love demonstrations between a couple.
 
Often Marriage and Family Therapists begin a session with a focus on how the couple interacts and shows affection. Is there a friendship between them or a connection at all and if so is it purely physical? Do they trust each other? It is important to know how they connect or bond with one another. Do they feel protected as well as respected and do they feel they can count on each other no matter what. How the couple communicates is vital. How they solve conflict is also important. In most relationships there will be disagreements, but how they are worked through is critical.
 
What God models best is that being in relationships can be difficult because it often means having to give up our wants and needs. Being in a relationship takes sacrificial love to forgo one's own goals and dreams. This goes beyond being united or part of the team. It is the selfless act of wanting the other to succeed, to be part of the same team fighting and defending for the same objectives. This sacrificial love is not an obligation, but a desire to serve one another due to the commitment to the relationship, even if there is no benefit to the giver.
 
We can rely on His Word for guidance, though not everything is spelled out for us in the Bible. Jesus Christ demonstrated the ultimate sacrifice when He laid His life down for all of us. I believe that there is only one God; He is also known through Jesus Christ (our Advocate) and the Holy Spirit. No verse in the New Testament describes sacrificial love better than John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, that He gave his only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."
 
In order to put the relationship ahead of the individual one must put his or her needs and desires aside and follow Christ's example of sacrificial love. This is love in its truest manifestation.

Photo Credit: Edgar Chaparro on Unsplash

It appears that we are all in a position to fortify our "shelter in place!" After COVID-19 cases begin to subside in our nation, perhaps we can all move forward with a renewed appreciation for our family. Perhaps, even in spite of the likelihood of COVID-19 intensifying the risks for divorce, abuse and domestic violence reports. We have all broken from our learned ‘normal’ rhythm of living together. The stress of more time with our families, more anticipated responsibilities and financial tension can cause the strongest to feel overwhelmed.

How do we survive these unprecedented circumstances with our Families intact?
How do we keep intact the family and what family was created to be in the midst of our uncertainty?

Perhaps the following eight strategies can assist you in protecting the Family safety of your "shelter in place" in the midst of any pandemic.

8 SURVIVAL TIPS ON RELATIONAL STRATEGIES IN A PANDEMIC:

1. AFFIRM MORE THAN TWEAK! Now is not the time to be pointing out the mistakes of one another. ‘Shelter in Place’ is based upon the assumption that Home is Safe. Therefore, we must be intentional about creating an environment of emotional safety. Every one of us will at one time or another in our lives be weak, in need of comfort, we will be fragile emotionally or physically and we will even be wrong. Now is not the time to address the perceived history of wrongs done to us. Though we may be tempted to start tweaking each other in an effort to make changes, resist the urge to become a tweaker, as this will decrease the Safety in Shelter. Look for the good things that your family members are doing & voice them. It is very important for us all to look for the positive when we are surrounded with trouble and seemingly negativity. We all crave good news, appreciation and affirmation. It is normal to want these!  Breathe deeply & notice the good & smile….
2. POLITENESS STARTS AT HOME! I am not sure when it happened, but over time, we have held onto our rights so fiercely that we have fallen short of some of the basics. Basics like ‘Please’ & ‘Thank You’ and ‘You are Welcome’. We do not hesitate to exercise politeness with our neighbors or co-workers, but we easily forget to start at home with kindness and gentleness and manners. This approach is proven to set the stage for a safety net when we spend a little too much time in each other’s space. Breathe deeply & be polite & smile….  
3. LISTEN TO & COMFORT THE FEAR! It is a well-known fact among Marriage Counselors that attachment is built through an offering of vulnerability and comfort that is mutual. A willingness to admit what I fear and a willingness to listen to the fears of my family members is risky, but when it is received with comfort and compassion that is intentionally expressed it builds attachment and security. Parents, please hear me on this...our kids need our comfort not our anxiety. This does not require us to deceive them, but it does require us to assure them that we will figure this out together and that they are safe. Breathe deeply & listen carefully & smile….
4. PRACTICE PLAYING & LAUGHING! When it is unavoidable to be in each other’s space, the risks of becoming easily irritable grows quickly!  The best antidote for this is to use your sense of humor! Remember how good it feels to have a belly laugh? Your kids do, because they naturally have a carefree approach to life, until of course when the responsibilities of life begin to choke out all memory of what it is like to play & laugh.  So, may we all take a chapter out of our kid’s lives, and laugh at ourselves, play a silly table game, or perhaps paly hide & seek! Your kids will remember it forever! Breathe deeply & have a good belly laugh & Smile….

View Part 2 for Tips 5-8.