​My wife and I fight ALL THE TIME…perpetually (meaning this NEVER gets resolved)…
 
…about the air-conditioning system in her car…more specifically, about when to turn on and when to turn off the air. When I was younger, I read that starting your car while the air-condition was on put additional strain, wear and tear on the engine. So, for many, many years now, before I turn-off a vehicle, I turn-off
the air-conditioning.
 
My wife HATES this! She wants to IMMEDIATELY feel the air blowing on her the instant the car is cranked. She yells. She complains. She asks why (over and over even though I have shared my reasoning dozens upon dozens of times). She huffs and puffs…and yet I still persist.
 
​Am I just mean? Uncaring? Deaf? Stubborn? Yes. I am all these things.
 
And, at some deep level (maybe even a “core belief” level), I firmly believe that I am being a good steward of one our most important and expensive possessions.
 
So, my wife and I keep fighting…
 
Relationship guru John Gottman has researched love, relationships, marriage, conflicts for decades. His research tells him that 69% of relational conflict is about perpetual problems. 69%!!!!
 
Think about that - almost 7 out of every 10 conflicts you have with your spouse are about perpetual (read, UNSOLVABLE) issues! Lasting differences in personalities and needs contribute to perpetual problems.
 
So, when you think to yourself or say out loud, “We are never going to see this the same way” or “We are never going to be able to resolve this” you may be right!
 
With perpetual problems, the goal is not to get your partner to agree with you. The goal with perpetual problems is not to solve them, not get on the same page with your spouse or have him or her get on your page. The goal is affect (emotion) oriented.
 
The goal is to establish a dialogue about the problem that communicates acceptance of your spouse and to actively cope with the unresolvable problem, rather than allowing it to fall into the condition of gridlock - painful communication and exchanges marked by criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
 
…back to the air-conditioning
 
It’s one of those unbearably hot, humid Georgia summer days. Alicia and I are dripping in sweat. We get into our hot car and I crank it.
 
No air comes on (because, of course, I had turned the air-conditioning off when we last parked). Alicia complains verbally. She protests. She tells me I am “so weird” and OCD (she’s right). She (or I by now) have pressed the power button on the air-conditioning and we are experiencing warm air blowing on our faces while the compressor begins its work of cooling the air.
 
And we leave the parking lot AS FRIENDS because I know she is for me and for us. And she knows I am for her and for us. She does not make me compromise who I am and one of my core beliefs and I don’t make her compromise hers. We both possess a “positive sentiment” about our relationship, which makes this kind of communication possible…what about relationships in Negative Sentiment Override? That’s
a topic for another day and another blog!

You’ve made it through the school year during a global pandemic!  Kudos to you – Be PROUD of yourself! Regardless of the platform you utilized during the school year – you did it – you are here at the heart of a new beginning – SUMMER!

Instead of focusing on what you gave up in 2020 (and some of 2021) – Ask yourself – WHAT DID I GAIN? Do I want to return to something I miss?  What am I ‘ok’ leaving out?
 
Try reflecting on your EXPERIENCES this past year…
REFLECTION is a great way to learn something about yourself…
 
You might find you have gained resiliency, patience, or how you adapted to stay connected to what matters most to your heart…whatever it is what did you LEARN about yourself?
 
Notice what feelings came up and what was difficult, what was easy?  Want to change something?  Maybe you want to try something different…
 
Here’s what I noticed – it was difficult to stay on a schedule – adapting to changes I was not ready for – some unsavory habits were created (and some good ones I will keep). 
 
Now try reflecting on what you want to see different – where can I create new and more fulfilling habits?
 
Here’s some fun and simple ways to CREATE your summer and stay connected to what matters most to your heart:
 

• Enjoy NATURE – take a walk and find 5 things you have never noticed before
• Enjoy the SUN & the WATER (creeks, rivers, lakes, oceans, a pool)
• PLANT new flowers or vegetables – enjoy them all summer long
• Try a new summer RECIPE (homemade popsicles are the best on a hot day)
• Create a SCAVENGER HUNT with friends or family
• Create FAMILY game or movie night – with snacks!
• Make homemade LEMONADE (you can also make popsicles with it)
• Clean out your ROOM and have a friend help you REORGANIZE it
• Clean out the garage/basement and create a small SPACE FOR YOURSELF (this works in other areas of the house too)
• Cruise through your public library and select a book of YOUR choice to READ

 
Look at summer as relaxation, renewal, rest, and maybe a RESET to CREATE what sings to your heart.
 
What are YOU looking forward to this SUMMER?
 
Proverbs 27:19 NIV, As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.
​

​We as Christians are now in the season of Easter, the 50-day period starting on Easter and ending on Pentecost Sunday.  It is a season of celebration and renewal as is the natural season of Spring.  Also, in a possible season of renewal – our world. To me, there appears to be a renewed sense of hope among us that perhaps we are coming to the end of the pandemic that has gripped the world over the past year. 
 
What can you and I do to both guard and guide as we move into this season of renewal?  Here are some practical ways to practice renewal/celebration which are meaningful:

• We all know that most of the news we read and/or hear is in some way negative.  While it is important to stay informed, installing limits and boundaries on how much news we consume is wise.

• Engaging in healthy practices that fill our minds with good habits such as the spiritual disciplines which include meditation, prayer and worship. For more information on spiritual disciplines, I highly recommend the book, Celebration of Discipline, by Richard J. Foster.

• Spring cleaning is a practice many people do to simplify their surroundings.  My husband and I are currently decluttering our home the Marie Kondo way of holding up an object and questioning whether the object brings joy.  If it does you keep it, if not it goes into the Goodwill pile.  

• Get outside!  Sunshine is a natural mood lifter.  I often combine getting outside with exercise usually in the form of a hike and practice mindfulness as I go.  Mindfulness is simply defined as being present in the moment you are in, not thinking about yesterday and its regrets or tomorrow and its worries. So, on your hike, note what are you seeing – possibly blooming wildflowers?  What are you hearing – maybe birds chirping?  What are you smelling – perhaps for this one you pause for a moment and smell one of those wildflowers.  What are you tasting – maybe you bring a prop for this one, like a piece of gum.  What are you touching?  Maybe run your fingers over some tree bark. 

• Practice gratitude.  A daily practice my family engages in is to list at least three things at the end of the day we are each thankful for.  These need to be specific to the day, meaning stating you are thankful you had a Newk’s salad for lunch rather than just generically stating you are thankful for food in general.

• Make a dream board.  Children tend to dream big, but as we age and engage in the sometimes humdrum of life as well as experience various forms of trauma we tend to forget to dream. A dream board can be created by obtaining poster board, grabbing some old magazines and when you find something that speaks to your heart cut it out and paste it on the board.  Our souls need feeding and they need the freedom to dream. 

 
My encouragement to you is to engage in some of the above practices and experience the renewal your heart likely desires.
​
Happy Season of Renewal!

 By: Chip Carter, MA, LPC
 
A question for each of you – How many times do you think you’ve prayed ‘The Lord’s Prayer’ (1) in your life?
 
A dozen?  A few hundred?  Close to a thousand or more?
 
Those sixty-eight words Jesus spoke are some of His most famous, and are meant to guide us in our prayer lives.  Often, when I’ve had no words to utter to God because of grief, sadness or weariness, I will pray that prayer because I know it by heart and because I know that it is good.
 
But on the flip side, I can also speak those same sixty-eight words with little meaning in my voice or movement in my heart.  Things that I tend to lean on when I’m down can also be the same things I go to when I feel indifferent or, honestly, would rather be doing anything besides praying.  It can, and has become at times, the prayer I pray when I want to check ‘prayer’ off my to-do list for the day. 
 
When I get to that point, I need to do something to shake things up and look at what Jesus was trying to teach me.  Here is how I’ve broken down the Lord’s Prayer to help me get back on track and get my heart in alignment with His. 
 
Our Father who art in heaven

• He’s Abba.  He’s the King of Kings.  He is I am.  He knows all things.  He is in heaven.  And I am not…

 
Hallowed be Your Name

• Hallowed means ‘holy’.  And this line is a continuation of how Jesus exalted God for who He is.  He is the Holiest of Holies.  He is God.  And I am not…

 
Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven

• In Heaven, all things are right and just.  On Earth, not so much.  Bring Heaven to Earth. 

 
Give us this day, our daily bread

• God, help me fight against all the things I want and believe I need.  Help me settle into a simpler life of walking with You and You meeting my needs.  Help me to be thankful in all times.

 
And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us

• God, help me at the minute, no the second where I feel wronged or hurt to start forgiving the person right then, that second.  Because that is what you do for me every single time.

 
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

• Help me stay close to you, God.  I can be impulsive and make decisions that aren’t good for me or the ones I love.  I can say something that can hurt others for a long time.  I am weak.  I am human. You are the strongest of them all. 

 
For thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory forever. 

• It’s all circling back to God, just as the prayer started.  It’s all His – Heaven and Earth.  Absolute dominion.  All the beauty.  All the honor.  Everything.

 
Amen

• So be it.  I agree.  Bring it. 

 
And so be it, good readers.  I hope this has helped remind you that God is for you, that He knows what He is doing, and that He desires to bring Heaven to Earth. 
 
Let’s go after that…