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A few years ago, I was fortunate enough to be part of a small Christian group.  Our group met once a month for weekend trainings for nearly a year.  Sunday mornings we worshiped together before the training began.  We ended our worship by giving our instructor a number from 1-10.  (10 being the highest and 1 being lowest).  I loved this activity because we repeated it at the end of the day.  Our numbers had increased by the late afternoon even if we were tired, hungry, and had long travel times back home to our families to start the new week. 
 
During our time together the group went through many events such as weddings, deaths, marital separations, engagements, moving, job changes, college workloads, travel, and much more.  One Sunday morning, one of the members stated she was a 10!  One who had just experienced a great loss unexpectedly while going through another difficult life event.  We all inquired about her number – and she simply stated it was because of US – she was GRATEFUL to spend one weekend a month with a group that was using gratitude to change difficult situations into opportunities to build better attitudes! 
 
A moment of realization for us all – even during tough or sad times, we can shift our perspectives.
 
I ask…what are You GRATEFUL for each day?  Not just here in the Fall when the weather cools and we begin planning our holiday meals, travel plans, and shopping lists – but this season of life for you. 
 
I am sure you have heard, “Start each day with a grateful heart.”
Give it some thought and ask yourself:

• What is my number today?
• Do I have opportunities to bring my number up? 
• Can I shift my attitude?

 
Beautiful things happen when you can let go of the negative and allow gratefulness and gratitude to take hold. 
 
“As we express gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” ~ John F. Kennedy
 
A prayer for you from a member of my group:
Lord we are so very thankful that you are full of mercy and grace.
Help us to see and understand the depth of your love for us. 
May this knowledge spark gratefulness in our hearts and fullness in our lives.  ~ A.C.

​My wife and I fight ALL THE TIME…perpetually (meaning this NEVER gets resolved)…
 
…about the air-conditioning system in her car…more specifically, about when to turn on and when to turn off the air. When I was younger, I read that starting your car while the air-condition was on put additional strain, wear and tear on the engine. So, for many, many years now, before I turn-off a vehicle, I turn-off
the air-conditioning.
 
My wife HATES this! She wants to IMMEDIATELY feel the air blowing on her the instant the car is cranked. She yells. She complains. She asks why (over and over even though I have shared my reasoning dozens upon dozens of times). She huffs and puffs…and yet I still persist.
 
​Am I just mean? Uncaring? Deaf? Stubborn? Yes. I am all these things.
 
And, at some deep level (maybe even a “core belief” level), I firmly believe that I am being a good steward of one our most important and expensive possessions.
 
So, my wife and I keep fighting…
 
Relationship guru John Gottman has researched love, relationships, marriage, conflicts for decades. His research tells him that 69% of relational conflict is about perpetual problems. 69%!!!!
 
Think about that - almost 7 out of every 10 conflicts you have with your spouse are about perpetual (read, UNSOLVABLE) issues! Lasting differences in personalities and needs contribute to perpetual problems.
 
So, when you think to yourself or say out loud, “We are never going to see this the same way” or “We are never going to be able to resolve this” you may be right!
 
With perpetual problems, the goal is not to get your partner to agree with you. The goal with perpetual problems is not to solve them, not get on the same page with your spouse or have him or her get on your page. The goal is affect (emotion) oriented.
 
The goal is to establish a dialogue about the problem that communicates acceptance of your spouse and to actively cope with the unresolvable problem, rather than allowing it to fall into the condition of gridlock - painful communication and exchanges marked by criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
 
…back to the air-conditioning
 
It’s one of those unbearably hot, humid Georgia summer days. Alicia and I are dripping in sweat. We get into our hot car and I crank it.
 
No air comes on (because, of course, I had turned the air-conditioning off when we last parked). Alicia complains verbally. She protests. She tells me I am “so weird” and OCD (she’s right). She (or I by now) have pressed the power button on the air-conditioning and we are experiencing warm air blowing on our faces while the compressor begins its work of cooling the air.
 
And we leave the parking lot AS FRIENDS because I know she is for me and for us. And she knows I am for her and for us. She does not make me compromise who I am and one of my core beliefs and I don’t make her compromise hers. We both possess a “positive sentiment” about our relationship, which makes this kind of communication possible…what about relationships in Negative Sentiment Override? That’s
a topic for another day and another blog!

You’ve made it through the school year during a global pandemic!  Kudos to you – Be PROUD of yourself! Regardless of the platform you utilized during the school year – you did it – you are here at the heart of a new beginning – SUMMER!

Instead of focusing on what you gave up in 2020 (and some of 2021) – Ask yourself – WHAT DID I GAIN? Do I want to return to something I miss?  What am I ‘ok’ leaving out?
 
Try reflecting on your EXPERIENCES this past year…
REFLECTION is a great way to learn something about yourself…
 
You might find you have gained resiliency, patience, or how you adapted to stay connected to what matters most to your heart…whatever it is what did you LEARN about yourself?
 
Notice what feelings came up and what was difficult, what was easy?  Want to change something?  Maybe you want to try something different…
 
Here’s what I noticed – it was difficult to stay on a schedule – adapting to changes I was not ready for – some unsavory habits were created (and some good ones I will keep). 
 
Now try reflecting on what you want to see different – where can I create new and more fulfilling habits?
 
Here’s some fun and simple ways to CREATE your summer and stay connected to what matters most to your heart:
 

• Enjoy NATURE – take a walk and find 5 things you have never noticed before
• Enjoy the SUN & the WATER (creeks, rivers, lakes, oceans, a pool)
• PLANT new flowers or vegetables – enjoy them all summer long
• Try a new summer RECIPE (homemade popsicles are the best on a hot day)
• Create a SCAVENGER HUNT with friends or family
• Create FAMILY game or movie night – with snacks!
• Make homemade LEMONADE (you can also make popsicles with it)
• Clean out your ROOM and have a friend help you REORGANIZE it
• Clean out the garage/basement and create a small SPACE FOR YOURSELF (this works in other areas of the house too)
• Cruise through your public library and select a book of YOUR choice to READ

 
Look at summer as relaxation, renewal, rest, and maybe a RESET to CREATE what sings to your heart.
 
What are YOU looking forward to this SUMMER?
 
Proverbs 27:19 NIV, As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.
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​We as Christians are now in the season of Easter, the 50-day period starting on Easter and ending on Pentecost Sunday.  It is a season of celebration and renewal as is the natural season of Spring.  Also, in a possible season of renewal – our world. To me, there appears to be a renewed sense of hope among us that perhaps we are coming to the end of the pandemic that has gripped the world over the past year. 
 
What can you and I do to both guard and guide as we move into this season of renewal?  Here are some practical ways to practice renewal/celebration which are meaningful:

• We all know that most of the news we read and/or hear is in some way negative.  While it is important to stay informed, installing limits and boundaries on how much news we consume is wise.

• Engaging in healthy practices that fill our minds with good habits such as the spiritual disciplines which include meditation, prayer and worship. For more information on spiritual disciplines, I highly recommend the book, Celebration of Discipline, by Richard J. Foster.

• Spring cleaning is a practice many people do to simplify their surroundings.  My husband and I are currently decluttering our home the Marie Kondo way of holding up an object and questioning whether the object brings joy.  If it does you keep it, if not it goes into the Goodwill pile.  

• Get outside!  Sunshine is a natural mood lifter.  I often combine getting outside with exercise usually in the form of a hike and practice mindfulness as I go.  Mindfulness is simply defined as being present in the moment you are in, not thinking about yesterday and its regrets or tomorrow and its worries. So, on your hike, note what are you seeing – possibly blooming wildflowers?  What are you hearing – maybe birds chirping?  What are you smelling – perhaps for this one you pause for a moment and smell one of those wildflowers.  What are you tasting – maybe you bring a prop for this one, like a piece of gum.  What are you touching?  Maybe run your fingers over some tree bark. 

• Practice gratitude.  A daily practice my family engages in is to list at least three things at the end of the day we are each thankful for.  These need to be specific to the day, meaning stating you are thankful you had a Newk’s salad for lunch rather than just generically stating you are thankful for food in general.

• Make a dream board.  Children tend to dream big, but as we age and engage in the sometimes humdrum of life as well as experience various forms of trauma we tend to forget to dream. A dream board can be created by obtaining poster board, grabbing some old magazines and when you find something that speaks to your heart cut it out and paste it on the board.  Our souls need feeding and they need the freedom to dream. 

 
My encouragement to you is to engage in some of the above practices and experience the renewal your heart likely desires.
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Happy Season of Renewal!