​Do you like a good mystery? I always have enjoyed a good novel with twists and turns that are suspenseful, unpredictable and keep you on the edge of your seat till the final page! Figuring out the outcome before it is revealed is good entertainment to me! The more intrigue, the better the novel!

However, when it comes to real life, I am the opposite! I like to be prepared for what is next, I prefer no surprises, I want to be ready for the ‘what if’s’ in life and I admit that I tend to pride myself on being responsible (yes, just a touch of neurotic thinking)!  On the surface this may appear to be good. But it is not realistic, and it sabotages my faith and trust in the one who knows the outcome better than us all.  

Healthy rhythms in our daily lives are important. My mentor has reminded me of this truth many times over. We all have rhythms, some healthy & some not so much! As I attempt to follow my mentor’s advice, these rhythms, habits, and expectations in life need to be re-assessed and adjusted to fit what is new. In my quest to adjust, questions need to be asked. So, when faced with what is new, I wonder, “Am I asking the right questions?”.  

My old questions sound something like this:

• “Why me? & Why do others not have to go through this?”
• “Why is God not answering my prayers when I have prayed so diligently?”
• “Shouldn’t my character/morals/way of life have prevented this debacle?”
• “How do I make sense of this?”
• “Where is this going to lead me?”

When we come upon a twist that is unexpected, we can complain, whine, try to understand why, pity ourselves & begin to strategize. Or we can begin to ask questions that will deepen our trust and anchor our souls in the one who knows the end of the story and the mystery of life itself!

My new questions sound something like this:

• “Why not me & what really makes anyone exempt from this?”
• “What is there for me to learn about myself & my view of others?”
• “Does my pride cause me to stand on my rights?”
• “How can I reflect God’s ways in my response to this apparent debacle?”
• “How do I trust that God has a plan for those that I love and His ways are not my ways?”

Rhythms of Rest comes in knowing that I no longer am on a quest to understand life’s mysteries and that I can Trust in the one who knows, understands, and works all for my good and His glory. He will do this through what is painful and disappointing and heartbreaking. He is my Hope and my Stronghold.
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I resolve myself to rest in trusting the one who knows the end of the story and all the twists and turns along the way. He is my strength, and my mind is steadfast because of how powerful & all-knowing my God is. As our new year begins, won’t you join me in renewing your rhythms of rest and trust? Instead of embarking on a daily quest to figure it all out, we remember to rest in Him and to thank Him for every twist and turn because He is our ever-present help in times of trouble. His ways are better than my own. 

By: M. Diane Pearce, Ph.D., Marriage & Family Therapist

“BE CAREFUL, KEEP CALM & DO NOT LOSE HEART!” This is the soundest psychological advice of our time! This advice is challenging to follow when the order that we all grew accustomed to is nowhere to be seen. In a gloomy & distressful environment, it is natural human instinct to begin looking around for something predictable & a sense of order. Chaos seems to surround us, in the news, social media, government and even in relationships.

Order and predictability become my quest….

• I look for it in my daily routines & a pandemic changes the day to day for us all.
• I look for it in my friends and colleagues & I find myself in isolation and social distancing.
• I look for it in the rulers and the system of our country & chaos breaks out. 
• I look for it within my own soul & I see fear of the unknown.

A quote from the movie Spiderman, “To whom much is given, much is expected” resonates in my soul because I have been given a great deal. Therefore, I am somewhat ashamed to admit to you, my reader, that I am afraid of the unknown. In my younger & seemingly braver days I marched into the unknown & I did it alone and afraid. Yet, I walked in faith and took one step at a time, having only my faith in God and what scripture tells me is His purpose for me as my motivation. As God often does with us, He did not make clear to me the path set before me but He always made clear the next step to take by making available to me one & only one step at a time.  Now years later, I find myself fearing the unknown, when I know from years of   experiences that He is predictable though the path laid before me is not!

So, we must ask ourselves, as we start a new year with the chaos, what step can I take today? Though I will feel lonely and afraid, wisdom tells me that I only need to know how to take the step laid before me today.

How to be Strong enough for One Step at a Time in today’s Chaos…….

• Be Careful to treat others well, regardless of what they say or do or post in social media.
• Be Careful to think about others who are different than myself with love and acceptance.
• Be Careful to respond with calm to the needs, the hate, the fear & the chaos. 
• Be Careful to walk in His ways of love & encouragement​.

“Be Careful, Stay Calm & Do Not Lose Heart” is advice that is psychologically sound for our current culture & it comes from scripture! This advice was stunningly appropriate to the environment that is recorded in Isaiah. The people were in gloom and distress & needed a Prince of Peace, an Everlasting Father! He told Isaiah to not call conspiracy what the people call conspiracy & do not fear what they fear. He told him to Be careful, Stay Calm & Do not lose heart! May we each stand firm in our faith with Careful Calm!

(Scripture adapted from Isaiah 7:4, 9, 8:12-14, 9:1,2 6,7)

See Part 1 for Tips 1-4
Continued from Part 1...
How do we survive these unprecedented circumstances with our Families intact?How do we keep intact the family and what family was created to be in the midst of our uncertainty?

​​5. SET UP A TIME ALONE FOR EVERYONE! We all need some time to be quiet and sit alone with a book, or take a nap, or sit outside and be fully present in the moment. Listen to the sounds around you and be still for a little while each day to notice the many things that go unnoticed in our normal daily routines. Without this, we can all begin to feel a bit like a tangled ball of tension. This tension will eventually fall out onto those we care about the most. Breathe deeply & notice the little things & smile…. 

6. CREATE A DAILY PLAN WITH FLEXIBILITY! Most of us are accustomed to accomplishing tasks each day during the traditional work week (Monday-Friday), so follow suit and have a project with a balanced amount of time designed for working on the project, breaks, meals, fun time, alone time and rest time. Our bodies and our minds work best when there is a rhythm to our activities. If our sleep rhythms are drastically altered, our entire body will be affected. Too much of any good thing can turn int a negative. As with life in general, plan for the unexpected. Flexibility eases the tension that builds when people are together for extended periods of time. Breathe deeply & be easy going & smile….

7. PRACTICE BOUNDARIES! It is very easy for us all to forget our place when we are in each other’s space physically, mentally and emotionally. We all have invisible property lines that give us some power in. One example might be that as parents, you probably decided what to wear today, and I am pretty sure that if your kids decided to select your clothes today, you would have likely responded with something like, ‘Nice try, but no thanks!’ Our kids need their own designated space to control (within reason and safety). When school is not formerly in operation, maybe we could let the kids have some freedom in their clothing choices. This principle can be practiced in most parts of our lives, not just in clothing. Breathe deeply & respect boundaries & smile….  

8. ALIGN OUR ACTIONS WITH OUR FAITH! It is so very easy to allow our responses to be dictated by our circumstances, frustrations and hurts. If we allow our emotions to be in charge, we will spread a virus of negativity with our self-absorption, our actions, and attitudes towards those we do not understand. In my home, we know that our higher power, God, calls us to walk in His ways as we respond to our circumstances. For us, we know that His ways include truth in times of confusion, mercy in times of not knowing the full story, patience in times of frustration, gentleness in times of fear, and above all, love towards one another, regardless of what my emotion tells me. Are we perfect in this endeavor? Absolutely not! We are but broken humans striving to learn from our own mistakes. We re-focus and re-calibrate frequently, that means we apologize and lean into each other. Where does your moral compass comes from? Wherever it comes from, remember in times of uncertainty to re-calibrate often with the source of your compass! Breathe deeply & trust in one greater than yourself & smile….

It appears that we are all in a position to fortify our "shelter in place!" After COVID-19 cases begin to subside in our nation, perhaps we can all move forward with a renewed appreciation for our family. Perhaps, even in spite of the likelihood of COVID-19 intensifying the risks for divorce, abuse and domestic violence reports. We have all broken from our learned ‘normal’ rhythm of living together. The stress of more time with our families, more anticipated responsibilities and financial tension can cause the strongest to feel overwhelmed.

How do we survive these unprecedented circumstances with our Families intact?
How do we keep intact the family and what family was created to be in the midst of our uncertainty?

Perhaps the following eight strategies can assist you in protecting the Family safety of your "shelter in place" in the midst of any pandemic.

8 SURVIVAL TIPS ON RELATIONAL STRATEGIES IN A PANDEMIC:

1. AFFIRM MORE THAN TWEAK! Now is not the time to be pointing out the mistakes of one another. ‘Shelter in Place’ is based upon the assumption that Home is Safe. Therefore, we must be intentional about creating an environment of emotional safety. Every one of us will at one time or another in our lives be weak, in need of comfort, we will be fragile emotionally or physically and we will even be wrong. Now is not the time to address the perceived history of wrongs done to us. Though we may be tempted to start tweaking each other in an effort to make changes, resist the urge to become a tweaker, as this will decrease the Safety in Shelter. Look for the good things that your family members are doing & voice them. It is very important for us all to look for the positive when we are surrounded with trouble and seemingly negativity. We all crave good news, appreciation and affirmation. It is normal to want these!  Breathe deeply & notice the good & smile….
2. POLITENESS STARTS AT HOME! I am not sure when it happened, but over time, we have held onto our rights so fiercely that we have fallen short of some of the basics. Basics like ‘Please’ & ‘Thank You’ and ‘You are Welcome’. We do not hesitate to exercise politeness with our neighbors or co-workers, but we easily forget to start at home with kindness and gentleness and manners. This approach is proven to set the stage for a safety net when we spend a little too much time in each other’s space. Breathe deeply & be polite & smile….  
3. LISTEN TO & COMFORT THE FEAR! It is a well-known fact among Marriage Counselors that attachment is built through an offering of vulnerability and comfort that is mutual. A willingness to admit what I fear and a willingness to listen to the fears of my family members is risky, but when it is received with comfort and compassion that is intentionally expressed it builds attachment and security. Parents, please hear me on this...our kids need our comfort not our anxiety. This does not require us to deceive them, but it does require us to assure them that we will figure this out together and that they are safe. Breathe deeply & listen carefully & smile….
4. PRACTICE PLAYING & LAUGHING! When it is unavoidable to be in each other’s space, the risks of becoming easily irritable grows quickly!  The best antidote for this is to use your sense of humor! Remember how good it feels to have a belly laugh? Your kids do, because they naturally have a carefree approach to life, until of course when the responsibilities of life begin to choke out all memory of what it is like to play & laugh.  So, may we all take a chapter out of our kid’s lives, and laugh at ourselves, play a silly table game, or perhaps paly hide & seek! Your kids will remember it forever! Breathe deeply & have a good belly laugh & Smile….

View Part 2 for Tips 5-8.