If we were to compare deities from various religions, we would notice that the God from the Christian Bible is the only God that left his throne and met his people face to face. He literally came down from the high mountain to meet us and interact with us. We were created to be in relationships with others, modeled by God. Not only is it important to Him to relate to us, He also desires for us to relate to Him. He came to live among His people to model how to relate to one another.
 
One of the most significant versus in the Bible is in Matthew 22:37-40: "Love the
Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment.

The second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

The word love has been used and abused throughout the centuries and thousands of books have been published interpreting the significance of love, so let's introduce a few questions that help identify the love demonstrations between a couple.
 
Often Marriage and Family Therapists begin a session with a focus on how the couple interacts and shows affection. Is there a friendship between them or a connection at all and if so is it purely physical? Do they trust each other? It is important to know how they connect or bond with one another. Do they feel protected as well as respected and do they feel they can count on each other no matter what. How the couple communicates is vital. How they solve conflict is also important. In most relationships there will be disagreements, but how they are worked through is critical.
 
What God models best is that being in relationships can be difficult because it often means having to give up our wants and needs. Being in a relationship takes sacrificial love to forgo one's own goals and dreams. This goes beyond being united or part of the team. It is the selfless act of wanting the other to succeed, to be part of the same team fighting and defending for the same objectives. This sacrificial love is not an obligation, but a desire to serve one another due to the commitment to the relationship, even if there is no benefit to the giver.
 
We can rely on His Word for guidance, though not everything is spelled out for us in the Bible. Jesus Christ demonstrated the ultimate sacrifice when He laid His life down for all of us. I believe that there is only one God; He is also known through Jesus Christ (our Advocate) and the Holy Spirit. No verse in the New Testament describes sacrificial love better than John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, that He gave his only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."
 
In order to put the relationship ahead of the individual one must put his or her needs and desires aside and follow Christ's example of sacrificial love. This is love in its truest manifestation.

Photo Credit: Edgar Chaparro on Unsplash

See Part 1 for Tips 1-4
Continued from Part 1...
How do we survive these unprecedented circumstances with our Families intact?How do we keep intact the family and what family was created to be in the midst of our uncertainty?

​​5. SET UP A TIME ALONE FOR EVERYONE! We all need some time to be quiet and sit alone with a book, or take a nap, or sit outside and be fully present in the moment. Listen to the sounds around you and be still for a little while each day to notice the many things that go unnoticed in our normal daily routines. Without this, we can all begin to feel a bit like a tangled ball of tension. This tension will eventually fall out onto those we care about the most. Breathe deeply & notice the little things & smile…. 

6. CREATE A DAILY PLAN WITH FLEXIBILITY! Most of us are accustomed to accomplishing tasks each day during the traditional work week (Monday-Friday), so follow suit and have a project with a balanced amount of time designed for working on the project, breaks, meals, fun time, alone time and rest time. Our bodies and our minds work best when there is a rhythm to our activities. If our sleep rhythms are drastically altered, our entire body will be affected. Too much of any good thing can turn int a negative. As with life in general, plan for the unexpected. Flexibility eases the tension that builds when people are together for extended periods of time. Breathe deeply & be easy going & smile….

7. PRACTICE BOUNDARIES! It is very easy for us all to forget our place when we are in each other’s space physically, mentally and emotionally. We all have invisible property lines that give us some power in. One example might be that as parents, you probably decided what to wear today, and I am pretty sure that if your kids decided to select your clothes today, you would have likely responded with something like, ‘Nice try, but no thanks!’ Our kids need their own designated space to control (within reason and safety). When school is not formerly in operation, maybe we could let the kids have some freedom in their clothing choices. This principle can be practiced in most parts of our lives, not just in clothing. Breathe deeply & respect boundaries & smile….  

8. ALIGN OUR ACTIONS WITH OUR FAITH! It is so very easy to allow our responses to be dictated by our circumstances, frustrations and hurts. If we allow our emotions to be in charge, we will spread a virus of negativity with our self-absorption, our actions, and attitudes towards those we do not understand. In my home, we know that our higher power, God, calls us to walk in His ways as we respond to our circumstances. For us, we know that His ways include truth in times of confusion, mercy in times of not knowing the full story, patience in times of frustration, gentleness in times of fear, and above all, love towards one another, regardless of what my emotion tells me. Are we perfect in this endeavor? Absolutely not! We are but broken humans striving to learn from our own mistakes. We re-focus and re-calibrate frequently, that means we apologize and lean into each other. Where does your moral compass comes from? Wherever it comes from, remember in times of uncertainty to re-calibrate often with the source of your compass! Breathe deeply & trust in one greater than yourself & smile….

It appears that we are all in a position to fortify our "shelter in place!" After COVID-19 cases begin to subside in our nation, perhaps we can all move forward with a renewed appreciation for our family. Perhaps, even in spite of the likelihood of COVID-19 intensifying the risks for divorce, abuse and domestic violence reports. We have all broken from our learned ‘normal’ rhythm of living together. The stress of more time with our families, more anticipated responsibilities and financial tension can cause the strongest to feel overwhelmed.

How do we survive these unprecedented circumstances with our Families intact?
How do we keep intact the family and what family was created to be in the midst of our uncertainty?

Perhaps the following eight strategies can assist you in protecting the Family safety of your "shelter in place" in the midst of any pandemic.

8 SURVIVAL TIPS ON RELATIONAL STRATEGIES IN A PANDEMIC:

1. AFFIRM MORE THAN TWEAK! Now is not the time to be pointing out the mistakes of one another. ‘Shelter in Place’ is based upon the assumption that Home is Safe. Therefore, we must be intentional about creating an environment of emotional safety. Every one of us will at one time or another in our lives be weak, in need of comfort, we will be fragile emotionally or physically and we will even be wrong. Now is not the time to address the perceived history of wrongs done to us. Though we may be tempted to start tweaking each other in an effort to make changes, resist the urge to become a tweaker, as this will decrease the Safety in Shelter. Look for the good things that your family members are doing & voice them. It is very important for us all to look for the positive when we are surrounded with trouble and seemingly negativity. We all crave good news, appreciation and affirmation. It is normal to want these!  Breathe deeply & notice the good & smile….
2. POLITENESS STARTS AT HOME! I am not sure when it happened, but over time, we have held onto our rights so fiercely that we have fallen short of some of the basics. Basics like ‘Please’ & ‘Thank You’ and ‘You are Welcome’. We do not hesitate to exercise politeness with our neighbors or co-workers, but we easily forget to start at home with kindness and gentleness and manners. This approach is proven to set the stage for a safety net when we spend a little too much time in each other’s space. Breathe deeply & be polite & smile….  
3. LISTEN TO & COMFORT THE FEAR! It is a well-known fact among Marriage Counselors that attachment is built through an offering of vulnerability and comfort that is mutual. A willingness to admit what I fear and a willingness to listen to the fears of my family members is risky, but when it is received with comfort and compassion that is intentionally expressed it builds attachment and security. Parents, please hear me on this...our kids need our comfort not our anxiety. This does not require us to deceive them, but it does require us to assure them that we will figure this out together and that they are safe. Breathe deeply & listen carefully & smile….
4. PRACTICE PLAYING & LAUGHING! When it is unavoidable to be in each other’s space, the risks of becoming easily irritable grows quickly!  The best antidote for this is to use your sense of humor! Remember how good it feels to have a belly laugh? Your kids do, because they naturally have a carefree approach to life, until of course when the responsibilities of life begin to choke out all memory of what it is like to play & laugh.  So, may we all take a chapter out of our kid’s lives, and laugh at ourselves, play a silly table game, or perhaps paly hide & seek! Your kids will remember it forever! Breathe deeply & have a good belly laugh & Smile….

View Part 2 for Tips 5-8.

I wish I had the boldness of Jesus in so many ways.  Here are just a few…
 
-How He called a spade a spade, or more accurately, a Pharisee a Pharisee when He observed their legalism time and time again.
-How He knew when to rest, even amidst the storms
-How He met people where they were - ravaged, hurting, embarrassed, desperate - and sent them off with a completely different perspective and belief system
-How He asked others to come along on His journey, even though He had all the power in the world and could commune with God whenever He wanted
 
Jesus knew people, knew how they operated inside and out, and still – STILL – asked twelve to join Him on His mission.  Surely, He did this to teach and model what God wants and desires for His children.  Absolutely, He knew what was coming three years down the road and needed to have them in place to carry out his mission long after He was gone.  But, I believe, He did this also because He was a human being, He didn’t want to be alone while His mission unfolded, and knew that having community in his life would bless Him in ways that spoke to His soul. 
 
Jesus sought community.  Thus, community must be a good thing.
 
Not so fast you might say.  In Jesus’s gang of twelve, one betrayed Him in such a huge way it was a crucial step that led to his death.  Knowing this, what did Jesus do? 
 
He washed his feet.
 
Another publicly professed he would never deny Jesus, that he was His most ardent follower and then denied Jesus not once or twice, but three separate times.  In turn, what did Jesus do?
 
He called him a ‘rock’ and stated this future thing He labeled ‘the church’ would be built on him.
 
Absolutely crazy.
 
Have you ever been at your doctor’s office and they bring out that instrument that looks like a hammer to test your reflexes? And then the doctor bangs your knee and it automatically springs up. That’s what they're looking for – that your reflexes are sharp; that they’re working; that they’re doing what they were made to do.
 
Jesus had the best ‘reflexes’; always sharp, always working, always moving towards God’s redemptive plan. He served where I would have been really angry and scared. He encouraged and empowered where I would have scolded and brooded. 
 
Isaiah 55, verses 8 and 9 are familiar verses to many of us – ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways…for as the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways.  And my thoughts than your thoughts.’
 
And, if you’ll allow me a little room here… ’For my reflexes are not your reflexes.’
 
But here’s the ticket: He wants us to be more like Him.  He wants our ways, our thoughts, our reflexes to be like more like His. He wants us to serve when instead we want to say ‘Get out!’ He wants us to encourage and validate when we would rather point fingers and be hurt. What blows my mind and heart though is He did these things within His community, a community of his choosing. He would not have had these examples if He had not brought others on his journey. 
 
The truth is this: people are going to hurt us, especially those we know well. The truth is also this, many of us (hand raised here for sure) have shied away from community because the hurts have hit us hard. But now, when I look back at times when I’ve been hesitant about allowing people in, I look at it from the lens of whether my reflexes were sharp or dull. The hammer is going to hit us eventually; let our reflexes be more like His.