Just Ok?

By: Jennifer McClellan, MA, NCC, APC

​During a recent Church service, the pastor spoke about ‘giving our best’.  In other words, is it ok to settle for ‘just ok’?  That sermon spoke to me and had me really thinking about the patterns we create for ourselves.  It also brought up the word perfection.  Our expectations to see immediate results and striving for perfection.  Which often have us leaning toward being self-critical, setting unachievable goals, and creating negative self-talk.  Sounds overwhelming and stressful, doesn’t it?  The sermon inspired me to give this topic some more thought…
 
Thoughts on Perfection:
Many years ago, someone asked me if I could remove the word perfection from my vocabulary.  So, I tried it.  I replaced the word perfection with other words and phrases such as “great, awesome, sounds amazing, that’s beautiful”.  What a difference that made in my own communication with others and to myself.  It’s validating! 
 
So where is your threshold of perfection? 
 

• Mine is perfection is not obtainable.  I’m not even trying anymore.  However, I’m also not accepting ‘just ok’ – I want to experience the beauty in the journey first - I want to relish in my hard work and see my results to enjoy them. 
• Can you ask yourself where how you learned “perfect” was expected?  Did you give that to yourself or was it an expectation from others?
• Reflect on it – then go ahead and try replacing perfect with your own adjectives!

 
Thoughts on Self-Criticizing:
Have you ever noticed how you felt when you did not meet a goal or felt disappointed in yourself when your plan or situation did not work out?  Did you tell yourself some really negative things?  Your brain probably held onto to those negative words! (Huge negative pattern developer). 

• Would you tell a friend those negative things?  Probably not. 

• What if you spoke kinder to yourself?

• What if you had greater flexibility in your expectations?  (Sometimes wiggle room is ‘ok’).  
• Try smaller goals first and sit back and enjoy how motivating it is to see your accomplished goals.

 
Thoughts on Mistakes:

• What happens if you make a mistake, or you experience a mistake from others? 
• Was it a learning opportunity or a challenge, maybe it’s too hard to accept? 
• Maybe it’s easier to forgive others and not yourself? 
• If you aren’t making the mistake, you aren’t learning, and you aren’t accomplishing your goals either – it’s part of the process, and that’s ‘OK’.

 
Showing up for Yourself and Others:
My pastor used John 2:1-11 in that sermon I mentioned as an example of showing up for others.  Jesus showed up and met the needs of others.  He turned water into wine in order for the wedding celebration in Cana to continue.  He did that for the people as they mattered to him.  Jesus was doing more than ‘just ok’ – he was giving his best and he gave it to others too!

• How do you show up and do more than ‘just ok’ – for yourself and others?